Re-entry

What does the rest of the race look like? I’m going to be serving in Florida for two weeks. We will be doing hurricane relief with one of the other squads. It’s also a time when we will get to relearn what it looks like to live in the States. It’s a pretty major shell shock going from living in complete poverty to walking into a store like Walmart. It’s unreal for us. After the two weeks in Florida, we will go back to Georgia for our final debrief. We’ll get to have a week with all the other gap year squads as well as our coaches and mentors. After that week, we all fly back to our homes. It’s going to be quite bittersweet, here is how I’m feeling about it all

As I’m writing this, I’m currently sitting on the 17-hour flight from South Africa back to the US. It’s safe to say this is a surreal experience. There are so many different thoughts going through my head. My emotions are so mixed; Half of me is refusing to believe the truth that this is almost over, and the other half is just excited to see what’s next. I trust that God’s going to do big things anywhere I am but man, I have loved this experience. Even if it’s hard to believe that this season is coming to an end, I know that God is good and faithful. The season may end, but God will never stop being with me.

There’s something special about serving, eating, sleeping, and talking, with the same people for 9 months straight. The relationships here have been incredible. We have 42 people in total on our squad and each and every one of them brings something unique and incredible to our community. This trip wouldn’t be even close to as impactful as it has been without them. Going into ministry knowing you have 41 other believers supporting and encouraging you is indescribable. In the times when you have just lost your focus on what’s important, you have 41 other people who will worship with you. 41 Other people who will all fix their eyes on Christ in unison and fill a room with shouts of praise. There’s something different about this group, something different about this family. We’ve come from across the nation to come together for one mission, to show people God’s love. To be completely honest with you, I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I’ve never experienced a Christian community like this, I’ve never felt more supported, I’ve never had friends as close as this, I’ve never seen the Lord show up as much as this, I’ve never trusted the Lord with as much of my being as I do right now.

This has been the hardest yet most incredible 9 months of my entire life. I struggle to put it into words. How can I put into words the intricacy and beauty of God’s work? Frankly, I can’t do it. I can’t just sum up the joy of Christ, I can’t show you the true magnificence of people’s lives being completely changed. I can’t even do as little as explain everything that God has completely rewired in my own life. All I can tell you is that you don’t have to just read about these things. God wants every single person to experience this. Christ died for us and we still oftentimes question if He’s truly good and faithful enough to show up in our lives. We question if He’s just good just for others but not for us. I assure you, God’s sacrifice was just the beginning of His love for us. He died for you individually, and He wants to bless you individually. He doesn’t only want us to go to heaven one day, He wants to bring heaven down.

“So, what does all this mean? If God has determined to stand with us, tell me, who then could ever stand against us? For God has proved his love by giving us his greatest treasure, the gift of his Son. And since God freely offered him up as the sacrifice for us all, he certainly won’t withhold from us anything else he has to give.”

Romans 8:31–32 TPT

I’ve never really responded with crying, I wish I did more but I just can’t for some reason. At the end of ministry for each country I thought it would happen then, I knew I might not ever see those people ever again. Yet, each time I just couldn’t. I thought this last time, leaving Africa it would finally happen. It was the last time I’d see the kids I’d been pouring into for two months straight, I’d given them everything I had. But still, not a tear was shed. Then I thought, surely when I focus on the fact that I’ll be home in 3 weeks my eyes will finally well up with tears. When I truly realize I don’t have control over whether or not any of the friendships I’ve made will last once this race is over then it’ll happen. Once again, I was met with eyes dry as sawdust. But as I sit here on this plane, one thing has broken me. One thing has actually made me sit and feel the release of tears from my eyes. Of course, it is the one thing I didn’t ask to cry about. It is the reality of God’s love for me.

Why God’s love for me? Why is this the thing that finally broke me? I know God’s love, I read and hear about it almost every single day. But have I ever truly had more than a knowledge of God’s love? Have I ever truly felt and experienced the freedom and peace that God’s love provides? Has His love for me ever actually traveled from my head to my heart? I’ve just been sitting here listening to songs just praising the Lord for how much He loves us and all these questions have just been ringing in my head. The most basic fundamental truth of God is the one that I always seem to skim over and take for granted. God is the most intentional being to ever exist, He is focused on us. How could He save the 1 sheep that escaped from the 99 if He wasn’t paying attention to each sheep individually? He knows each hair on our head, He’s intentionally staring at us, He’s listening to us, and He knows if we have gone missing. I know this season is ending but I know one thing more than anything else, God is focused on me. He isn’t just with me, He’s not just walking alongside me daydreaming about something else, He’s focused on me. We serve a God whose love is so vast and amazing that we can’t even comprehend it. Let that sink in. That is the reality of God’s love.

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:38–39 NLT

Thank you for reading! I hope to post soon with more about what ministry looked like in Africa. Love you all!